Just a Number

Time for another honest post over here. I usually like to keep things light and fun, talking about food and fitness and outfits and daily life, but I feel like honesty is really needed in the blog world and since I know a lot of you out there can relate to these posts in some way, I like to keep myself accountable and also ask y’all for some advice from time to time.

Remember this post from about a year ago? That was one of the hardest posts I’d ever had to write but the responses I got were incredible. I promised that I was going to start eating more, stop tracking calories, etc. Well, it took me quite awhile–at least half a year–to get to the point where I felt almost okay doing those things. I stopped tracking my calories earlier this year, and it’s been so freeing. I’ve been eating more than I was a year ago–I don’t know if it’s ‘enough’ but I feel a lot better, more energized.

However, one little thing is still playing with my mind…the scale. My mom bought a scale for the first time during my ED recovery so she could monitor my weight. She hasn’t weighed me in over a year and a half…but that doesn’t mean the scale’s gone unused. Oh no! Every opportunity I get (aka being home alone when I’m on school breaks or weekends I come home), I hop on that scale…and I’m always disappointed with the number. It doesn’t help that just a year ago, my BMI was fairly underweight–I was restricting (though I was eating some things that I wouldn’t touch now, because now I’ve focused my ‘restrictions’ on eating clean) and actually working out less than I am now. So now that I’ve regained to my post-ED goal weight (which, admittedly, is also slightly underweight), I feel like shit. I keep thinking, “How could I have gained that much weight in a year, when I’ve only been eating a little more and working out way more, including weight training?” It makes me mad to think that a year ago, or a few years ago when I was really struggling, I weighed less but was eating less cleanly. People talk about how easy it was for them to drop pounds once they cleaned up their diet, but for me, the opposite has happened. Don’t get me wrong, I really like eating clean, but it annoys me that I’m not seeing the results I want. It’s hard for me to look in the mirror most days, and not see a body that’s bigger than I’d like it to be.

Just to be clear, my goal now is not weight loss, but lean muscle gain. But it’s hard to see the number on the scale go up, when I have no real idea what my body composition is. Silly me for assuming I’d be ultra-lean after just a month or so of strength training. I know real results take time, but I just feel so huge some days.

I know some of you have mentioned that you didn’t start seeing results until you upped your intake by a lot…but doing that still scares me. I have no clue what amount my body needs to thrive on and it scares me to increase. I’m definitely on the petite side so I feel like I really don’t need ‘that much’, but maybe my body is crying out for more fuel, and I’m just ignoring it. I would love to be able to eat more, but it’s just so far out of my comfort zone.

I need to remind myself that the number I see on the scale is just that…a number. It doesn’t tell me how much progress I’ve made, what my body composition is, what my real worth as a person is. I know I’m more fit than I was a year ago, but my brain hasn’t quite caught up and I’m sick of feeling bad about myself because I weigh more now than I did. Some days, I know I’m far from fat and I can actually appreciate my new-found muscle, but for the days that are harder, I just need that reminder that I’m more than the number.

I need to remind myself that there’s not even that much of a difference between my body a year ago and today (March 2012 on left, March 2013 on right)

Any advice on how to get out of this numbers mindset? 

Why I’m Not the Typical HLB

As a self-proclaimed healthy living blogger, I like reading other HLBs and seeing what food and fitness trends everyone’s getting into. I have to admit, I sometimes act like a sheep and follow these trends but that’s really only because I end up loving the food/workout so much. But there are many, many ways that I’m not at all like the stereotypical HLB…

I hate eggs. 

Yep, always have, (probably) always will. It’s a combination of the texture, taste and smell for me. Ick. I could never do any form of eggs for breakfast–I blame my dad, because he’s never been a big fan of eggs. So that aspect of going vegan was super easy for me! While I think things like veggie-filled omelettes and 2 ingredient pancakes are cool ideas, I’d never be able to stomach them. Just no.

This is as close as I get to an omelette–a chickpea socca-style ‘omelette’.

I’m not a Chobani/Love Grown/ Luna Bar/ PB&Co. whore.

There’s quite a few brands that seem to be really popular in the HLB world…and I’ve never understood them. To each their own, of course, but I’ve tended to go my own way with brands and I love what I love. I do like a few of the popular brands, like Larabar and Almond Breeze, but some of them just don’t do it for me. For instance, I prefer unflavored almond butters to flavored PBs (other than Justin’s vanilla AB) and I really love Purely Elizabeth granolas because they’re made from ancient grains and is the only granola brand I know of that’s made with coconut sugar.

I don’t feel bad for being a Zevia whore because it’s so good!

I’ve never stepped foot in a Lululemon or a Trader Joes. 

It’s not that I don’t want to shop in these places, it’s just that I’m semi-deprived out here in CO and neither of those stores are near me (okay, that’s a lie, there’s a few Lulus in Denver, but I’ve never been). I’m actually waiting on a couple of TJs locations that are set to open soonish, but since I’ve never been, I feel a little left out. Maybe it’s for the best–I can’t afford anything from Lulu and I’d probably blow my budget if I had a TJs in my city!

A drawing of the TJs that will be closest to me…still about an hour’s drive away.

I’m not a runner, or a Crossfitter, or a heavy lifter.

I have started lifting recently, and I really love it, but I’m nowhere near lifting heavy yet. As for running and Crossfit, I just don’t feel like they fit my lifestyle. I like doing cardio like tennis or circuits (or window shopping 😉 ) and I also love yoga. There’s definitely a workout style out there for everyone, you’ve just gotta find what works for you.

Lifting green weights makes it even more fun.

I don’t eat the typical HLB breakfast.

I’m a huge breakfast lover, but (obviously) I don’t do eggs, I don’t really like oats anymore and yogurt messes are out because vegan yogurts are beyond nasty. I tend to mix things up a little bit, but right now I’m loving homemade buckwheat waffles with protein frosting, and chia seed protein puddings. I really try to get a great balance of carbs, fat and protein in at breakfast while still satisfying my sweet tooth.

Another one of my fave breakfasts: almond flour pancakes.

I’m vegan.

Vegans seem to be a rare breed these days in the HLB world. And honestly, I kinda like it this way but also not. I like it because then I feel more unique, like that’s the niche my blog fits into. But I also don’t like it because there’s not as much food inspiration…so I just end up borrowing from the boys omnis!

A (non-vegan) dessert I still need to veganize.

How are you not like the ‘typical’ HLB? 

Friday Five: Online Shopping Addict

Hi guys! Sorry I’ve been a little absent lately–the semester’s starting to get busy and I literally have next to no time during the middle of the week for anything but sleeping and getting homework done. But I’m more thankful than ever to have three day weekends every week–it’s seriously my lifesaver.

Anyways, I didn’t want to let a whole week go by without another post so I’m throwing a little Friday Five fun in here!

Five Things I’ve Eaten Recently

•  The best vegan restaurant pizza I’ve ever had. It’s hard to find vegan pizza in restaurants. It’s even harder to find amazing vegan pizza. I’m not one for fake cheese (don’t get the Daiya appeal) so I always go cheeseless. The other toppings are the best part anyways, especially in this case. My mom and I tried out a new-to-us restaurant in my college town called Restaurant 415. They aren’t specifically vegan, but they have plenty of gluten free and vegan options and focus on locally-sourced and organic ingredients. My kinda place for sure! I ordered The Woodland pizza sans the cheese and I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. The crust was not too thin or too thick, and it came topped with garlic & olive oil, mushrooms, deliciously salty & crunchy kale (when do you ever see kale on a pizza?!), dried figs (ditto), caramelized onions and a balsamic glaze. The sweet and salty flavors worked together perfectly and I was in vegan pizza heaven. 

My delicious leftovers!

• Banana softserve…with a twist. Who doesn’t love banana softserve, aka frozen bananas all blended up until they look like ice cream? Seriously, one of my favorite blog food finds ever. Well, I also discovered a little trick recently: mix almond butter (or nut butter of choice) with a little  coconut oil and drizzle over banana softserve…homemade magic shell! You can even add cacao powder or whatever you want to make it even better. I like topping my softserve and shell with cacao nibs for the perfect healthified dessert.

Who needs ice cream when you can have banana softserve?

• Raw jalapeno poppers.  I’ve been eating them whole, putting them in salads…basically just loving them. I should have made more but I’ll definitely be stocking up on jalapenos this weekend!

So spicy, so clean, so good!

• Brown rice sushi from Whole Foods. I’ve mentioned before how disappointed I am in the salad bar at the WF in my college town. However, when I discovered their brown rice sushi, I just couldn’t resist. I’ve never had brown rice sushi before, let alone vegan-friendly brown rice sushi. I got the avocado carrot cucumber roll and it was great dipped in coconut aminos and as a salad topping.

An easy dinner at it’s finest.

• Salads…on salads on salads. I’ve had a salad-a-day streak for at least the last three weeks, and I don’t want it to end anytime soon. I’ve discovered what makes a really great homemade salad–chopping the greens, shaking everything up to mix it around and letting it sit for at least half an hour in the fridge. It all makes for a very tasty salad. The toppings and dressings are what makes them, though.

Latest obsession: taco-inspired salads.

Five Things I’ve Bought This Week

• A set of weights. Yep, finally jumped on the strength training trend, and I gotta say, I really love it! I’m definitely not lifting heavy yet, but it’s good to start out light. And besides, I’m not so much wanting to build muscle as I am wanting to lean out. So lighter weights+more reps=(hopefully) a leaner body!

And they’re green, what could be better than that (besides pink)?

• A geology textbook and cacao nibs from Amazon. Random, yes, but I needed to get the super saver shipping so the cacao nibs were a much-wanted add-on item. The textbook is obviously for the geology class I’m in–I took it because it’s supposedly a prereq to the meteorology program I want to get into after graduation and I don’t really love it so far (mostly because of the professor) but I have a friend in it so that helps a lot!

• A massive iHerb order. They used to offer free shipping in the U.S. for any order over $20 or $25 I think, but now it’s for orders over $40. I hate paying for shipping so I just stocked up my online cart more than usual. I got a few new-to-me items (raw buckwheat granola, a new brand of coconut flour) and some other things I can’t get in store (namely, peanut flour). I think I’ll be set with new products for awhile…

Love getting packages in the mail!

• Some new-to-me Whole Foods finds. Yes, I love shopping online for things I can’t get near me, but there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned shopping trip to the grocery store. On my last trip to Whole Foods, I got a bunch of new-to-me items and I’m loving them all so far. The best is the Thai coconut curry hummus by Hope Hummus–it’s a local brand, but they might have it in WFs across the country so definitely check them out if you ever see them near you. This is the best hummus flavor I’ve ever tried, period. I also got a couple new Larabar flavors, unsweetened ketchup, coconut oil spray, dark chocolate Nuttzo (it was on sale!) and WF brand pickles (because other brands have not-so-good ingredients).

There’s always something new to try at Whole Foods.

Five Sites I’m Loving This Week

• Chicnova. It’s an online store I just discovered that has a ton of cute, affordable clothes in all kinds of styles. I haven’t ordered anything (yet) but there’s quite a few things I’m drooling over.
• Warby Parker. Notice the online shopping trend? Okay, so I haven’t bought from here either but I love the concept: you get to choose prescription glasses to try on at home, and you send back the ones you don’t like. I’m a sucker for hipster style glasses, so the next time I need a new pair, I’ll definitely be hitting up this store.
• DAMY Health. I don’t follow their nutrition plan by any means, but the recipe section has all sorts of amazing-looking vegan, gluten free and raw desserts. I kinda want to make them all…
• PicMonkey. The best free editing site I’ve come across. I just wish I could use all the upgraded features.
• Weather Channel. Yep, I’m a weather nerd and proud of it (that’s why I’m going into meteorology!) Besides just the forecasts, they also have weather stories and articles that are really interesting. For example, I found out the other day that Denver is in the top 6 cities for most snowfall. I actually don’t believe it, because for the past few years we haven’t gotten much snow at all!

Do you do any strength training? What’s one of your favorite sites at the moment?