One of my pet peeves is when bloggers (or I guess just people in general) act like their lives are always picture-perfect. You know those people. They carefully filter their Instagram photos, only post about the amazing things that happen to them and are generally just cringe-worthy because of how everything seems to go right for them.
News flash: no one is actually perfect. I know I’m definitely not. Life does not always go my way, and I try to be as honest as possible on my blog/Instagram/Twitter to show that I have bad days/weeks sometimes, and that’s okay. That’s normal.
So what about when my life isn’t perfect? I’ve been talking a lot recently about the job I started nearly a month ago, and yeah, I’ve been pretty positive about it so far. That’s because it was going well and fairly smoothly.
But then I hit a road bump late last week. My supervisor called to say my schedule for the month of May (and possibly beyond) had changed. Like, completely changed. I’d been starting to work my originally assigned schedule of Friday-Tuesday from 1:30 to 10:30 pm and I was getting into the swing of things and enjoying the camaraderie I was having with my coworkers who share my same schedule. So you can bet I was shocked (and very upset) when I was told I was suddenly shifting to the overnight/early morning shift for at least the next month.
I’ll admit, I called my mom after I got the news and I was crying and
maybe cussing out my employer to her. But it was good for me to get that out. It’s normal to be upset when your schedule gets completely changed, especially right as you’re getting used to working 40 hours a week. And yes, some of the changes were unfair to me. I was told I’d be working a certain schedule after my training finished, and if my schedule did change, I’d get at least a week or two notice. I was told about my schedule change on Friday, and it will start on Wednesday. Not only that, but the specific position I was hired for feels like it’s being ripped out from underneath me as I’m expected to fill in on a position I never interviewed for, one that I don’t want and I’m really dreading.
So my life hasn’t been perfect since that call. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to adjust to a totally different sleeping and eating schedule, how I’m going to fit in workouts/running errands/free time, and how I’m going to adjust to filling in on a position I hate for at least 2 days per week for the foreseeable future.
I’ve been trying my best to stay positive. I really like the city I just moved to, my apartment complex is nice, and the coworkers I’ve bonded with are incredible. On the other hand, I’m struggling to see how I’ll survive a year here if my employer keeps changing things on me. I think I’m entitled to some sense of comfort and a normal schedule, even in the industry I’m in. I was okay with having abnormal weekends & different hours (I actually loved those hours, because I could sleep in til 9 every day!) but now I’m dreading being a zombie AND working in a position I didn’t ask to be placed in.
No, my life isn’t perfect. I don’t love my first job, and it’s not the best fit for me. I’m slipping back a little into disordered thoughts as I fear weight gain from the weird hours/stress will catch up to me. Getting paid is nice, but my paychecks aren’t going as far as I thought they would, and I find myself getting upset that I can’t afford to get my car fixed, or new clothes every week, or all my favorite fancy treats from Whole Foods.
I think what matters is that I’m trying. I’m trying to be as positive as I can, I’m trying to find the good in every day, I’m trying to look forward to the future and see this job as a stepping stone into better things. My life may never be perfect (hint: it won’t ever be) but making the best of it is what makes life good…and that’s good enough for me!
How do you handle perfectionism?