I’m Done…

I’m done…with focusing on calories, rather than nutrients

Larabars might have a ‘lot’ of calories, but they’re healthy and simple!

I want to be a healthy vegan, so what does that mean? Getting enough fats and protein. Instead of seeking out the lowest calorie faux meat products (which do have protein, but aren’t that healthy), I want to buy nutrient-dense things that will fuel my body and help me feel my best, like Larabars and Sunshine Burgers (made from seeds, beans and veggies). I want to stop shying away from coconut products just because of their high saturated fat content. I’m done with being scared of plant-based fats, period.

I’m done…with having tiny portions of everything

Four mini pancakes are NOT enough for breakfast alone!

I know I will always likely have a smaller appetite than a lot of people but that doesn’t mean I have to eat like a hummingbird! I’m sick of eating small amounts at every meal and feeling hungry and unsatisfied an hour or two later. If I want to feel more comfortable with eating more, I can choose to snack more between my mini meals or even just increase the size of my meals a little bit over time. I’m tired of only having 1/4 cup of oats at breakfast (even with toppings it’s not enough) and only allowing myself a teaspoon of nut butter per day.

I’m done…with restricting my calories and my life

Why can’t I feel okay eating an entire (170 calorie) vegan chocolate chip cookie at one sitting and more than a tiny bowl of almond milk ice cream?

I’ve wasted way too much of my life semi-starving myself and listening to ED’s stupid demands. I want to be okay eating the calories I need to live a healthy life. I want to sometimes order something other than a salad at a restaurant. I want to cook vegan things that even my omni family will love, because it’s full of nutrients and flavor. I’m sick of freaking out every day that I exercise a little bit less than I wanted to. I’m done with constantly tallying up my calories and macro nutrients and over analyzing them.

I’m done…with second-guessing my cooking skills

My first attempt at a homemade vegan ice cream pie for Father’s Day…everyone loved it!

I hate worrying about cooking things for my family and wondering if they’ll even like it, just because it’s something they’re not used to. I want to do even more experimenting with cooking for myself. I want to make even more vegan desserts to show my family that vegan things can be just as tasty as normal desserts.

Vegan Ice Cream Pie (vegan)

8 sandwich cookies, any flavor (I used Whole Foods’ store brand, which are all-natural, but Oreos and Newman O’s are also vegan)

1/2 pint vegan ice cream, any flavor or variety like almond/coconut/soy (I used Almond Dream’s cappuccino swirl)

1 tbsp dark cocoa powder or cacao powder

1/2 tbsp agave or maple syrup

splash almond milk (or water)

fresh berries/bananas, shaved dark chocolate, vegan whipped cream, etc. for garnish

Separate the sandwich cookies and set aside the filling. Crumble cookies by hand or in a food processor until finely crushed. Mix in filling until mostly combined and starting to stick together. Press cookie crust into bottom of medium-sized glass bowl or cake pan and freeze for at least 30 minutes. Let ice cream soften and spread 1/4 of a pint over the crust, smoothing down with a rubber spatula or flat wooden spoon. Place in freezer for 30-60 minutes, or until ice cream layer is hardened. In a small bowl, stir together cocoa powder and agave until mostly mixed, and add in a splash of almond milk or water until it becomes a thick fudge-like paste. Spoon over ice cream layer and place in freezer for another 30 minutes. Let ice cream soften again and spread the remaining 1/4 pint over the fudge layer and freeze entire pie for 1-3 hours. Serve topped with berries, shaved/melted chocolate or whatever toppings you’d like. Makes 4 slices. 

What are you “done with”? How do you feel about cooking for others?

30 thoughts on “I’m Done…

  1. sarah says:

    I’m SO happy to hear you sounding so positive!
    Living a life constantly hungry, basically just daily starvation and under nurishment is just not fun- everyday ends up feeling hazy and food is constantly on the mind( at least that’s how it feels to me.)

    Embracing a vegan, truly wholefoods diet sounds like a fab and yummy idea:).

    And hey, I just ate 400 cal vegan Nanas cookie yesterday. Twas good!

    • Mmmmm, I’ll need to keep an eye out for those cookies! The calorie count is definitely still scary for me but I’m working away from focusing on calories and instead eating what makes me and my body feel awesome!

  2. ohhh, gosh.. i hardly know you (well, i guess i don’t know you at all in real life. but i mean in the blog world we haven’t really ‘met’) but i’ve been reading yours for a while and this just made me so happy. i guess i sort of change my mood and my habits depending on what other people are dealing with (which isn’t that healthy i know but without reassurance i never know if what im doing is “right”)…so something like this inspires me. i feel like this all the time, i get these strong feelings of ‘just stop it, jen’ infrequently but they’re still there… and then i get the automatic thoughts and fears and rituals/obsessions/controlling thoughts on the other which brings me back to where im sitting now. but im so freaking glad that you wrote this and realise this and are moving and pushing forward, even when it feels so scary. and that vegan ice cream pie looks really good, cook for me? ;P i love that you put vegan in brackets at the end, as if the title didn’t speak for itself 😉 hope you’re having a great day, love. xoxox

    • Haha oops! I meant to just type ice cream pie but I guess now everyone will know that it’s definitely vegan 😉

      The thoughts and obsessions are so hard to stop and I know for me at least they’ll never completely go away but I think if I make an effort to control them, I’ll feel so much better! And I think you could too!

  3. Ashley,my girl! I am SO proud of you!
    This post honestly made my day. I’ve bern worrying about you all the time because it was obvious you never are enough to satisfy a mouse indeed…
    I want to encourage you to stick to your goals,keep fighting and PLEASE never giving up again – you’re precious,worth it and far too strong for letting your ED win!
    Much love!

  4. YESSSSSS!!!!! Ashley I am SO freaking proud of you!! 😀 I’ve been having the same thoughts– I just got so sick of counting stupid calories and worrying about macros and just stopped cold turkey. Honestly I’ve never felt more free and more alive in my entire life. I know you’re making the best decision ever, you deserve so much more in life than worrying about all this– you deserve to be happy!!! 🙂
    Love ya girl, hope you have a great day!

  5. Aja says:

    That is so great to hear! I really need to do that. Nutrients are WAY more important than calories, yet all I can focus on still is calories. Anyway, have a wonderful day and great for you for making the decision to stop worrying about calories. That is so wonderful!

  6. Ummm HELLLOOOO I love this post Ashley, especially if you genuinely, legitmatetly mean it, which it sounds like you do!! I am totes with you on this one of course too, I know you read my WIAW today, so we are on the same page here! Keep us updated on your progress 🙂

  7. LOVE this post girlie!! There is so much more to life than calories & macros. Just focus on eating to fuel yourself in order to enjoy life! There is no point in eating tiny portions only to feel miserable later 😉 If you need dessert tips – I have a few from when I needed to gain.

  8. Yes, yes, yes, you go girl! As for the 1/4 c. of oats…you know 1/2c. is a serving, right? And multiple servings are definitely okay. 🙂 Especially as a vegan, and one who does eat her vegetables, you do NOT need to be worrying about eating too much or too unhealthy! It’s not going to happen! This is true in general, but *especially* because you reallllllly need to gain some weight! Hugs 🙂

      • Yes! And a *necessary* thing to have! Forget about trying to eat healthy – from your eating patterns, history, and dietary restrictions anyway, that’s going to happen. Just enjoy food! Easier said than done, I imagine, but chin up! It gets better 🙂

  9. I read every post, have to say something because I’m so happy to read this. Get good and angry at the ED, girl! Because it HAS stolen too much from you and it’s getting angry at the ED rather than at yourself which is misplaced anger, that helps us to really fight it I think. If we are passive to it we just let it keep on robbing us.
    You deserve so much more than it’s let you have. Food, but also LIFE. I believe in you and believe you can break free. The future is looking awesome – go for it 🙂 xx

  10. caloricandcrazy says:

    This is so great, and your attitude about stopping the restriction and going for nutrients just radiates through this post, haha.

    I’m working on trying to eat more too, since I’m adding resistance training to my fitness regimen, and well, the eating the right amount of good foods at the right time just makes the body happier 🙂

  11. I love this post and your whole attitude about it :). You will definitely feel better once you get the nutrients you need and you will still be eating very healthy, much healthier than the average person. All the nutrients will help your body repair itself anyway.

    I love sunshine burgers, they are so delicious!

  12. Good for you! You definitely need to focus more on your body being healthy instead of being skinny. Being healthy matters more than being skinny in the long run. That ice cream pie looks + sounds really good!

  13. I totally get where you are coming from! I am the same way with worrying WAY too much about stupid calories and macros when I should just be focusing on listening to my body and fueling it with good foods! So glad to hear someone else feels the same way!

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